Reader Question: What to do when you’re evolving but the people in your life are not?

Feb 03, 2025by Angela Swanson

What to do when you’re evolving but the people in your life are not?

Recently, I received a thoughtful question from one of our customers. Over the past year, she’s been doing her inner work and cultivating high-vibrational energy and she’s loving the results in her life but she’s also feeling challenged when facing others who operate at a lower-vibe energy. She asked, “how do I care for my own energy and keep it high when confronted with negative people who drain me?”

Great question!

In my experience, as our energy flows more and more freely in our body, mind, and spirit, and we evolve into higher-vibrational consciousness, we start to embody higher-quality states of being. We walk through the world a little differently than we did before. We become more aware and awake, more peaceful and calm, more compassionate and loving. We see the world as a more magical place and don’t worry so much about how things will work out or about controlling the outcome. We might even notice that what triggered us before suddenly no longer affects us. But then… someone comes along and pushes ALL the buttons and we feel like we’ve taken a big step backwards. We feel the friction of being a human being in a complex world trying to remember our Divine Nature.

It’s not so easy. Lower-quality thoughts can come raging in, like judgment, shame, blame, and guilt. You may snap back to coping mechanisms that are no longer helpful to you, like people pleasing, avoidance, shutting down, resentment, and so on. Or maybe for you it’s aggression, snarky criticism, close-mindedness, and pride.

What happened to your high-vibe reality? And how do you get it back, especially when facing low-vibe people?

Here are a few ideas and questions to help you reflect that I hope are helpful to you:

1. Pause and realize that whatever/whoever is triggering you right now is an opportunity for you to dissolve old patterns.

This is akin to you being a diamond in the rough and this situation which is causing you friction and discomfort is there to rub away the crusty gunk that’s keeping you stressed out and small when you’re supposed to be easy going and bright. So, if you can, see the trigger as another chance to practice what you need to learn. Because if you didn’t need to learn it, you wouldn’t be triggered by it. (OUCH!)

Reflection questions: Is this situation something that keeps reappearing in my life? What is it trying to teach me?

2. Take care of yourself.

Draw your energy back into your body so you’re not giving your power over to any other person, place, or thing. Mindful breathing is helpful here. Just notice yourself breathing and feel the breath as it comes in and out of your body. This has an added side effect of calming your nervous system so it’s not so reactive.

Reflection questions: Can I stay calmly present in the discomfort of this even though I’d prefer to fight or flee?

3. Remind yourself - it’s not about them.

It’s about you and your relationship to what’s happening. That doesn’t mean you have to take whatever the person is doling out. You don’t! When you understand that you are a sovereign being who can make their own choices according to what’s aligned with your soul, you can take decisive bold action. Or no action at all. You get to decide how you respond to whatever is happening. You can let them be them and you get to be you - one hundred percent of the time.

Reflection questions: What is really bothering me right now? If I let go of the idea that I have to “fix” anyone or anything, what is the core of this issue within me? Am I feeling disrespected? Am I feeling ignored? Am I feeling bullied? Am I feeling overwhelmed? Am I feeling scared?

4. Remember and accept that it’s not your fault and it’s not theirs either.

In other words, stop the judgment and blame cycle in its tracks. So you slipped back into your old ways. It’s ok. Give yourself a cosmic hug and move on. You literally don’t get anywhere when you’re hard on yourself. In fact, being hard on yourself keeps you stuck in the muck.

Reflection questions: How can I be kind to myself right now? What does “little me” need from “big me?”

5. Have compassion while maintaining your boundaries.

When you’re leveling up your energy to higher states, you’re becoming more whole. You naturally start to embody the qualities of the spirit. It can be confusing while on this path when you encounter people who “need” you or want your energy. Of course you want to help them but that might not be in their or your best interest. Having compassion for someone doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself.

Reflection questions: Can I trust that they are on their own path and that I’m not responsible for their emotions, their beliefs, or their behaviors? Am I over giving? And if I give too much here, will I still be able to be the light in the world that I want to be?

This work takes courage, patience, and lots of practice. And my list is by no means an exhaustive one. Many wonderful people have devoted their lives to this topic so I encourage you to search them out!

A few people I’ve learned from are:

Pema Chodron, American-born Tibetan Buddhist. She is an ordained nun, former acharya of Shambhala Buddhism and disciple of Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche.
Richard Rohr, Franciscan friar and ecumenical teacher, Father Richard Rohr bears witness to the deep wisdom of Christian mysticism and traditions of action and contemplation.
Roshi Joan Halifax, American Zen Buddhist teacher, anthropologist, ecologist, civil rights activist, hospice caregiver.
Byron Katie, American speaker and author who teaches a method of self-inquiry known as "The Work of Byron Katie" or simply as "The Work".
Dr. Sue Morter, International speaker, master of bioenergetic medicine, and quantum field visionary. She is the founder of the Morter Institute for Bioenergetics, an international destination for healing and wellness education.